Huge Collection Of Funny Status For Friends. Funny Status to update your Facebook or WhatsApp status with a Funny Status.
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Do you ever just lie on knees and thank God that you know me and my intelligence???
When I actually die some people are going to get really haunted.
When I Show you a picture on my phone. Don’t swipe left. Don’t swipe right. Just look at the damn picture.
If I’ve learned anything from Mayans, then it’s that…Not finishing a project is not the end of the world.
If money grew on trees, then girls would be dating monkeys.
If you can’t convince her then confuse her.
I’m not sarcastic; I am just intelligent beyond your understanding.
Some people are beautifully wrapped boxes of shit.
I told cashier- I want to open a joint account with anyone who has lots of money.
Knowledge is power, and power corrupts. So study hard and be evil.
I’m not lazy; I’m on energy saving mode.
Dear Lord, there is a bug in your software… it’s called Monday. Please fix it.
Always wear cute pajamas to bed you’ll never know who you will meet in your dreams.
When I’m on my deathbed, I want my final words to be “I left one million dollars in the…, ” and I die…..
My father always told me, find a job you love, and you’ll never have to work a day in your life.
I’m jealous of my parents… I’ll never have a kid as cool as theirs!
It may look like I’m deep in thought, but 99% of the time I’m just thinking about what food to eat later.
People say everything happens for a reason. So when I punch you in the face, remember I have a reason.
Light travels faster than sound…that’s why people appear bright until they speak.
If College has taught us anything, it’s texting without looking.
My damn phone doesn’t let me call or text because its battery is low, but it has enough battery to keep on screaming, “Battery low, battery low.”
80% of boys have girlfriends…Rest 20% is having the brain.
Never laugh at your wife’s choices… you’re one of them.
Am gonna Make my Status………….better you to Focus on your Status only.
I wonder what happens when doctor’s wife eats an apple a day.
The only time success comes before work is in the dictionary.
Can’t talk, telepathy only!
Read books instead of reading my status!
Don’t take life too seriously; you won’t get out of it alive.
SI unit of ignorance = “seen.”
All sincere boys fall in love with stupid girls, all sincere girls fall in love with stupid boys, I am neither stupid nor sincere, and that’s why I am ‘SINGLE.
I love Sarcasm; it’s like punching people in the face, but with words..!!
Funny Best Friend Quotes
Some people just need High Five…In the face…With a chair..!!
I have got 99 problems and 86 of them are completely made up scenarios in my head that I’m stressing about for absolutely no logical reason..!!
Chocolate comes from cocoa, which is a tree that makes it a plant so Chocolate is a plant..!!
If someone calls you ‘Ugly’ have a good come back and say ‘Excuse me’ I am not a mirror…!!
To succeed in Life, you need three things; a wishbone, a backbone, and a funnybone..!!
Nobody text faster than a pissed off female..!!
Some people are like clouds when they disappear; it’s a beautiful day…!!
I am Sorry, Did I roll my eyes out loud…!!
Life is not a fairy tale, if you lose your shoe at midnight, you’re Drunk..!!
My goal this weekend is to move only enough, so people know I’m dead..!!
Lazy rule; can’t reach it, don’t need it…!!
Don’t give up on your dreams, Keep sleeping…!!
Em, the little bit crazy and that’s all part of my charm. If you don’t like it, then get off my unicorn..!!
If you ran your mouth, you’d be in good shape..!!
If robbers ever broke into my house and searched for money, I’d just laugh and searched with them..!!
I changed my password everywhere to ‘incorrect’ that way when I forget it; it always reminds me ‘Your Password is incorrect’..!!
When I was young, I was scared of the dark. Now when I see my electric bill, I am scared of the lights..!!
If you are lonely, dim all lights and put on a horror movie. After a while, it won’t feel like you are alone anymore..!!
I hate it when people are at your home and ask ‘Do you have a bathroom?’ No, we pee in the yard..!!
Everything is funny as long as it happening to somebody else..!!
I don’t know how to act my age, I have never been this age before..!!
Of course, women don’t work as hard as men; they get it right the first time..!!
The more you weigh, the harder you kidnap, Stay safe, Eat cake..!!
Funny Best Friend Quotes
I’m not weird I am limited edition..!!
Chocolate doesn’t ask silly questions, Chocolate understands..!!
I don’t have an attitude problem, you have a problem with my attitude, and that’s not my problem..!!
I have taken up photography because it’s the only hobby where you can shoot people and cut their heads off without going to jail..!!
Sometimes I wish I was a bird so that I could fly over certain people and poop on their heads..!!
I am going to stand outside, so if anyone asks, I’m outstanding..!!
When you’re stressed, you eat ice cream, cake, chocolate, and sweets. Why? Because stressed spelled backward are deserted..!!
You know how you can smack something to get it to work? I wish I could do that with people..!!
Isn’t it weird that we have one hand that knows how to do everything and then one hand that just sits there like ‘I don’t know how to hold a pencil’..!!
Sunshine mixed with a little Hurricane..!!
I wish common sense were more common..!!
Just sitting here on the corner of Awesome and Bomb dignity..!!
Good morning world! Your little ray of sarcastic sunshine has arrived..!!
I’m not clumsy. It’s just the floor hates me, the tables and chairs are bullies, & the walls get in the way..!!
Somebody left a grocery list in this cart that said, Cheese and shit like that. So my soul mate is out there…!!
I don’t think there will be enough coffee or middle fingers for this Monday…!!
To the people who lose one shoe on the side of the highway; Please tell me what the rest of your life is like..!!
I will slap you so hard even Google won’t be able to find you..!!
Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat with the experience..!!
I’m actually not funny I am just mean, and people think I’m joking…!!
When I try an outfit on, and it doesn’t make me look good, I just throw it on the floor like no, you don’t deserve to be hung up, sit there and think about what you have done..!!
Funny Status For Whatsapp
WARNING!! I know karate …..And some other words!!!
Congratulations!!My tallest finger wants to give you a standing ovation.
Don’t get a man \woman, get a dog …they are loyal, and they die sooner.
I Wonder What Happens When Doctor’s Wife Eats an Apple a Day.
I have enough money to last me the rest of my life unless I buy something.
At least mosquitoes are attracted to me.
Don’t kiss behind the garden, Love is blind, but the neighbors are not.
God is really creative, I mean.Just look at me.
Everything is funnier when you’re supposed to be quiet.
I live in a world of fantasy, so keep your reality away from me!
You can never buy Love….But still, you have to pay for it.
Life is short, so type fast.
Sometimes all you need is love. Lol, just kidding, you need money.
When a newly married man looks happy, we know why. But when a ten-year married man looks happy, we wonder why.
I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
Girls generally drool over hot guys, but they eventually fall in love with funny guys that make them laugh.
I found there was only one way to look thin, hang out with fat people.
Some people are alive only because it’s illegal to kill them.
There are three sides to an argument – your side, my side and the right side.
I love my job only when I’m on vacation.
Oh, so you wanna argue, bring it. I got my CAPS LOCK ON.
In my house I’m the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.
Bro tip: When you do something wrong, and she says, “It’s OK.” It’s not OK, don’t do it. It’s a trap.
Sorry for being late, I got caught up enjoying my last few minutes of not being here..!!
Life always offers you a second chance it’s called tomorrow..!!
Life is not about how you survive the storm; it’s about how you dance in the rain..!!
The great pleasure in life is doing what people say you can’t do…!!
Future is shaped by your dreams, so stop wasting time and go to sleep..!!
Life is not measured by the number of breaths you take, but the number of moments that take your breath away..!!
When I said that I cleaned my room, I just meant I made a path from the doorway to the bed..!!
My silence spoke a thousand words, but you never heard them…!!
If we were on a sinking ship and there was only on life vast, I would miss you so much…!!
We all have baggage find someone who loves you enough to help you unpack…!!
Life is like a taxi; the meter just keeps ticking whether you are getting somewhere or standing still…!!
Don’t dwell in the past; don’t dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment..!!
Life is not worth living unless you are willing to take some big chances and go for broke..!!
Everything has been figured out except how to live..!!!
Never argue with an idiot they’ll drag you down to their level and beat you through experience..!!
All my life I thought the air was free until I bought a bag of chips..!!
Life is short smile while you still have teeth..!!
You never realize how boring your life is until someone asks what you like to do for fun..!!
When I’m bored, I send a text to a random number saying, ‘’I hid the body now what?’’
In three words I can sum up everything I’ve learned about life; Life goes on…!!
To be honest, I am just winging it. Life, motherhood, my eyeliner, everything..!!
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